Oh, Bit, you hairy? (said with Cockney English accent)

That was a nice obituary! I want mine to say:

AFW passed away on ____, __ 20__. She doesn't care how you remember her because... she's dead! Her husband, General/Chaplain M.S.W., states she was a happy little elf and she never grew taller than 5'0". Her best friend in the world, AK, recounts how she took naps everywhere. [See pictures below.] Her daughter Lilly, who is pale with long, dark hair, grew up happier and stronger than AFW. Her son, Leo Israel, who has lots of curly, light brown hair, is sweet and pure and looks after people. She says to tell you all that she finally figured out the meaning of her life, but can't share that with you at the moment. Her world champion yo-yo skills and far-from-best-selling novel were her proudest accomplishments. That, and suing the GOP for... one billion dollars!

I think it would make me happy if you chewed a finger off! Then I can think, as I pick my nose, "Not everyone is so lucky." And I'll sigh with happiness.