Are Placebos Out of Style?

I'm with you. My mom believes she has every side effect of every medication. If she's fat, it's a medication's fault. If she's dizzy, ditto. If she's panicky, same. If she's got a backache, headache, gas, a general feeling of malaise, or the flowers in the front yard are wilting, same. She love, love, loves to read those package inserts that come with your meds. The woman has glaucoma, she's legally blind, and she can't read a single magazine article without falling asleep, but when that 20-page package insert with the tiny print comes into her hot little hands she starts scanning the lines like a kid watching a ping-pong match. And then she has all the symptoms, except death, which is surely around the corner.

All this makes me wonder why the doctor doesn't give her a placebo stating that the side effects are joy for life, energy, thicker hair, more youthful skin, and a flatter tummy. But can you do that anymore? Do disclosure laws allow that? Or would the doctor have to list the ingredients (sugar) and warn, "This pill will do absolutely nothing for you, but may be used as a beverage sweetener."

As to this idea that life passes you by when you sleep, I'm thinking, Wow, I think that's right. That's why I like it so damn much. While the world is swirling in a super-fast blue-and-green frenzy, I'm snug in my beddy, safe and happy. You know when I told you today that nothing makes me happy consistently? I knew I was lying. Sleep is always wonderful.