Why on earth are people so moody. The very flexibility of moods is confusing to me, I don't like it at all....more importantly I don't like my moodiness. My Sqrllvr is hardly ever moody. In fact, I think the only time he is moody is invariably when I'm moody. Now TRtl is sure to think that I am reflecting on her moodiness, but no really this is self reflection. Although let me reflect for a moment on Trtl's moodiness--I don't know that I ever know that she is moody until she apologizes for it. Normally she is like a little Trtl in that way...she withdraws into her little shell and stays very quiet. The thing is Trtl has these very expressive features, but instead of looking moody she generally looks sad, so I just sit there thinking that she is sad...which normally makes me moody and then at some point, I will say what's wrong? And she will reply with a laugh...I thought there was something wrong with you.
But anyway back to me...
Yesterday I woke up and felt like I could conquer the world, and today I woke up and felt alone in the world. Some of that is probably due to dreaming. I have been dreaming a lot and when I wake up from a dream, I always feel disconcerted and unhappy. All those people swimming in my head, some of them I know, some of them I don't. No sirree, no dreams for me.
People disturbing my sub conscious and the like.
Today I talked to my nieces mom & it was like each time I do, at times I wonder about their parenting, but each time I talk to her as a person, I realize that I like her quite a bit. She's nice, and I mean really nice. Yes there are things about her that bug me...for one she can be moody as hell...but at the basic person level, she is just nice. So anyway she said today she hates when people ask her how old her oldest kid is, and this amazed me. I never stopped to think she might be embarrassed at having had a kid at 15 and its something she can't get over very readily, but she says each time someone asks her, she can see the judgment on their face, and it was shocking to me really and another sample of my selfishness, that I didn't see it before. I never liked telling people my brother had kids when he was so young and like telling them how old their mom was even less, but she has to live with it every day. I never thought about her and her feelings at all, and that makes me think that I should be more sensitive and less self-involved. How do I become less self-involved? Maybe I should shroud the mirrors? Maybe not write in such an autobiographical way? I don't know.
Another thing...Popsicles and fudgsicles, how interesting is it that, if you don't chew them, rather you just suck them, half the enjoyment is your spit? Your spit goes on the popsicle, and then on your next pass through you pick up the flavoring and the spit. Crazy huh?
No comments:
Post a Comment