I want to be a mermaid and then grow legs

I think you're waiting for something important to happen. It feels like you're (universal you) supposed to do something extraordinary. Extraordinarily meaningful, society-changing, artistic, or whatever. Maybe something extraordinary is just supposed to happen to you, as an alternative. But the extraordinary is definitely supposed to take place, whether you are the subject or the object.

We grow up reading stories and watching movies where extraordinary things happen, and how the hell are we supposed to adjust to waking up every day and doing the same un-extraordinary things... for the rest of our lives. Some people actually do extraordinary things, and it must have seemed invetitable to them once they get there (even though most probably still feel very lucky) because they grew up reading and watching the same stuff, and, really, how could it have really, truly turned out different? There's just no way they could have stayed obscure and average. Everyone's the star of their own story, and stories aren't supposed to be made up of a bunch of days that all are essentially the same.

The Rapist claims that some people are really satisfied, have no problem with, being mediocre. I don't believe her. If they are satisfied with that, well, then, they really are extraordinary. And they probably know that, and that's what really gets them through it. Or people who had extraordinariness thrust upon them when they didn't want it; they might actually appreciate mediocrity therafter.

Do you think people felt this way before star-culture? I bet they still did. I bet they still thought they'd be tribal leader or have a vision or catch a sea-monster. Or at least get the most unique, most incurable bacterias. Maybe it was less pervasive in their thoughts because they weren't surrounded by billboards and commercials and magazines and pop-up ads, but I bet they still felt it, that feeling of, "This can't be the whole thing. Life has to be more than this." And that angst that you have to make it more, but how the fuck do you go about that?

Speaking of which, how the fuck DO people go about it? I read on a Starbucks cup over the weekend that, if you seek goodness, you'll find greatness, but if you seek greatness, you'll find ruin. It's the kind of crock of shit you want to believe, but who really does? I mean, Bill Clinton was seeking greatness from the day he was freaking born. And, sure, he fucked it all up at times, but he achieved it. Not exactly my preferred form of greatness, but his anyway, so even better. Who are good examples of people who sought goodness and achieved greatness? Anybody out there (hey, SqRL, that's only you -- tee-hee) who starts naming Mother Theresa or Ghandi or Martin Luther King or someone like that gets a sharp finger to the eye. I want someone who just did their thing good and continuously and is now considered great. Yeah, Mother Theresa and her crew probably count, but they're boring and used up, and, let's face it, we're not going to become nuns or civil rights leaders or... whatever the fuck Ghandi was. What the fuck was he? Some kind of leader. I don't really care, though, so don't tell me. I'd like to remain ignorant on this point.

Another problem is that nothing attainable is really good enough. Becoming a great lawyer or ad exec or artist is nothing like growing legs when you're a mermaid or jumping to 30 years old when you're really 12. I mean, being "great" at something is surely better than being mediocre, but it still won't feel like much once you're there, I bet. I bet you're still waiting for something mystical to happen, like waking up in a different time or as a different person.

People are prolly wired to never be satisfied, to keep seeking out something they can't even define, and to be troubled by it. Very good for survival, I betcha.